


Run Away From You

by wolfzaa



Series: Ficlets Through Seasons [4]
Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, Eye Sex, M/M, Past Mike/Rachel, Slow Burn, Unresolved Sexual Tension, mostly canon compliant, pining!Harvey, pining!Mike
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2016-11-29
Packaged: 2018-09-03 01:44:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8691649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfzaa/pseuds/wolfzaa
Summary: How many times had they been like this?  Mike was dying to lose count but his eidetic memory wouldn’t let him.  He didn’t want to remember what he had done to be here as he could still feel a warm trace of someone else’s hand on his own -- a touch that had never been touched and a kiss that had never been kissed.  They had always been running away from whatever that lied between them, and here they were, stuck in the middle of their bleeding hearts.Nowhere to run now.





	

**Author's Note:**

> ( Every drabble in this series will be a stand-alone and has nothing to do with one another, even the timeline is unrelated. )
> 
> I've posted my pilot idea on [Tumblr](http://wolf-zaa.tumblr.com/post/153598713876/marvey-headcanon-that-breaks-my-heart) and now I'm going to do something about it. Really, I’m so done with the UST and eye-sex during the whole show.
> 
> This fic was kinda Season 4-ish when I first wrote it, but I re-read again and think that it could be anywhere from Season 4 to Season 6, so, yeah, I'll leave it to your imagination. ;)
> 
> Partly inspired by a song [I Want You Anyway](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MaIp77Q0x3I) by Jon McLaughlin  
>    
>   
> 
> By the way, for Thai version [หาอ่านได้ทางนี้เลยค่ะ ;)](https://writer.dek-d.com/dek-d/writer/viewlongc.php?id=1197067&chapter=64)

 

 

_They always had been running._

_Running away._

 

* * *

 

 

 

1.

_They knew answers without being asked._

 

Harvey Specter was a kind of man that followed his gut rather than his brain, or, well, his heart.

That was how he worked and lived his life.  He would keep his heart inside where no one could find, and he would definitely use his brain when things settled down a bit, but right at that very moment, he just spontaneously responded to whatever that came across.  Without thinking.  Without feeling.  He just _reacted_.

He believed in his instinct.  If it led him to hell, then let it be.  It was his own choice after all.

So later on, when Harvey wondered why he decided to hire Mike Ross as his associate in the first place, he had no idea at all.  His instinct told him to.  The man -- the _boy_ , for God’s sake -- had too much potential that went beyond Harvey’s expectation, but being a college kicked-out who never went to law school came as a package deal.  It was too risky.  Nevertheless, when he saw Mike sitting right there in front of him, honesty and hope glittered faintly within those bright blue eyes, Harvey’s instinct shouted that he had to do _something_ or he would regret it for the rest of his life.

 _Mike was useful and better than Harvard douchebags outside the room_ , his brain might try to find a logical explanation later.  _Mike deserved a chance to do good_ , his heart might scream quietly.  But no matter what the reason was, Harvey had already acted long before he could question himself.  He should be worried about troubles that would definitely come along, but at that moment, the only thing he could do was following his gut the same way he had done all his life.  There was no logic.  There was also no compassion.  There was only the fact that he couldn’t deny this man and Harvey just knew it.  He just had to take a risk on Mike with everything he had.

Mike was probably thinking about how his life could go this wrong when Harvey turned around and finally said, “Move over.  I'm emailing the firm we've just found our next associate.”

 

 

 

2.

_They looked without looking._

 

Mike didn’t stare at Harvey.  It would be too creepy that way.

Yet, he somehow knew each gesture of the senior partner after working with him for a while.  Harvey’s eyes were like traffic signs that told you when to keep going and when to stop every time they flashed, his jawline had something to do with stress, each line on his face could mean either tension or amusement, and his eyebrows said more than his words.  His little gesture with the neck and hands and shoulders also indicated something too, and Mike just happened to know it all.

His knowing wasn’t the same as Donna’s.  The woman knew everything in every aspect possible about Harvey and maybe the entire office.  She read, analyzed, and took action whether it was using the information as her own advantages or just ignoring it.  However, unlike Donna, Mike could only acknowledge the changes of Harvey’s features without looking -- like he could see the different mood in the air between them -- and he didn't know what else to do with the skill he somehow possessed rather than keeping it to himself.

It still sounded creepy as if he had put a lot of his mind into observing his own boss during works, but swear to God, he hadn’t.

Reading the atmosphere around Harvey was effortless for Mike.  It was kind of useful, like wild animals’ senses of an upcoming disaster so they could escape in time, although he had to admit that most of the time, sensing Harvey’s hidden smirk and sparkles in his eyes were a lot easier than negative ones.  Must be because he liked them better.  Harvey’s smile always gave him a warm feeling that spread through his chest and it made his heart somehow fluttered.  He didn’t have to look at that face to know Harvey was smiling since his presence said it all, but Mike looked anyway.  Those smiles were too captivating he never wanted to miss one.

His favorite was when they were working together in Harvey’s office, all serious and professional.  Then, suddenly, Mike would sense the other’s gaze upon himself with a small grin hidden beneath it.  It wasn’t like Harvey was checking him out, maybe he was just making sure that Mike still concentrated and all.

The gesture lasted only a second or less.  Mike’s eyes were still focusing on the brief in his hands, a highlighter cap between his teeth, and he pretended nothing happened as he kept this little moment to himself.

And tried his best not to smile.

 

 

 

3.

_They danced around without moving._

 

Harvey had no reason to make a move on Mike.

He liked working with Mike better than anyone else.  He liked challenges and Mike was sure one of them, top of them even.  The rookie might lack experiences but he was full of possibilities.  His heart was big.  His mind was brilliant.  His eyes were keen.  Plus, his sense of humor matched Harvey’s perfectly.  He was everything Harvey once was, but at the same time, also something Harvey had never been.  Therefore the senior partner wasn’t surprise by the fact that they were quickly attracted -- not sexually, just attracted -- to each other.

There was a reason why Harvey kept his heart in the dark.

Donna shook her head and told him to stop dancing around Mike already.  Harvey rolled his eyes since, of course, they didn’t dance around each other, or their feelings, or anything at all.  They really did not.  They didn’t try to ditch the subject either.  They were just doing their jobs, which meant avoiding each other’s face would be weird as hell and they had no reason to do just that.  Working with Mike was easy.  It was only natural for them to joke, touch, quote movies, and exchange sarcastic comments -- normal things for guys who worked together all the time.  Hence he told Donna his answer.  She gave him a skeptical look as if she knew something -- well, she was _Donna_ , she always knew something -- but Harvey decided he didn’t want to know what was going on inside her head.  Her information was hers to organize, not his.  Eventually, Harvey concluded that there was nothing to dance around between him and Mike.  Nothing at all.

His heart might throb every once in a while around Mike, but any indication from the pumping muscle inside his chest was unreliable and unnecessary to begin with so it didn’t matter.

He tried to think so.

 

 

 

4.

_They smiled without smiling._

 

Harvey Specter was heartless.

After a while, Mike realized the statement was true and practical, but only partly.  The other part would take all Mike’s willpower not to grin like an idiot whenever Harvey started a whole speech of how emotionless he was, how cold he could be, and how he did _not_ care -- which Mike knew better than that.  He knew Harvey was a big brother type that would always protect what was _his_ and would do everything for them but never admitted it.  He knew Harvey had a soft spot for him and would always be there no matter what happened.  He knew Harvey had a heart.  A big one.  Only it was not for everyone to see.

At first, he didn’t see it either.

It took him some time to notice it -- a whole lot of time.  Mike might sense Harvey’s gaze and small gestures before, but he didn’t know meanings behind them.  Harvey hid his heart well to the point that it was barely visible to the world.

Mike had no idea how he missed all the sign; the way Harvey’s jaw tensed up whenever Mike crossed the line, the way his eyes darkened with worries when Mike was in trouble, the way his features softened when they got back together, the way he tried to replace his genuine smile with a smirk and witty remark but couldn’t stop his voice to display the real feeling--- God, how could Mike look over something like that for so long?  Harvey’s poker face might be a masterpiece, but his voice was not.  Mike should have heard it.  The voice that dipped to a lower, deeper tone when Mike came back to him.  The slight husky voice that soothed him and calmed him down every time he nearly had a panic attack.  The voice that couldn’t hide a _smile._

It took Mike several crashes, too much breakdowns, and countless times of curling up in the dark corner of his heart to realize the fact -- to _hear_ it properly this time.

_Heartless my ass._

That was why Mike had to keep a too-pleased idiotic grin to himself the next time he encountered Harvey _I-don’t-give-a-shit_ Specter.

Harvey’s secret smile was sure the most beautiful thing ever happened in his life.

 

 

 

5.

_They touched without touching._

 

Things became weirder but no one seemed to care, especially Harvey.  He gradually used to it and lived with it eventually.

Being non-sexually attracted to Mike might be an understatement, because after a while, stealing glances at the rookie every now and then was irresistible.

They worked together.  It was only normal to look at his associate during talking or discussing cases, mostly in the eye, but problem was sometimes his gaze would move somewhere else for some milliseconds -- somewhere like those tempting and very kissable lips.

Things became weirder from there.

Harvey laid his eyes on Mike’s lips as though they were his thumb, dragging from one corner to the other in a way that could stop every movement of Mike’s talking mouth straightaway.  It was as if he could lift the associate’s chin up, and Mike would try his best not to blush or tremble.  They kept talking, working, bantering, as their eyes touched each other quietly.  Harvey would smirk and Mike would see sparkles in his eyes that would ghost fingertips across Mike’s skin, examining every freckle and flaw from his cheek to where his neckline met shoulders.  Sometimes he would explore more, stroking along his waistline, down to his hips, thighs, anywhere he’d feel right to do so.  Sometimes he would intertwine their fingers together and caress his thumb along the shape of Mike’s hand.  Sometimes he would pull him into a tight hug, laying his forehead against Mike’s shoulder and feel a hot breath brushing over his ear.

Harvey had touched Mike before, physically, such as a pat on his shoulder or a grip on his arm, but nothing was as intimate as when he touched him with his eyes.  It was private.  It was reserved only for him and Mike.  No one would ever get those touches from him and no one had rights to touch Mike like he did.

He kept touching, and craved for more.

 

 

 

6.

_They kissed without kissing._

 

Mike had wondered what it felt like to kiss Harvey for a while.

It was wrong.  It really was, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop.  It happened on daily basis just like the touch -- blame Mike’s vivid imagination and his wandering mind.  First second it was just an ordinary day at work, then Mike accidentally let his gaze upon Harvey from across the room, or the hallway, or worse, in court, as though he was standing right in front of him and had nothing to do better than leaning in, waiting to be kissed.  Their lips would close together as their eyes met.  It would linger for a few seconds, a whole minute, three minutes, who knew.  Their eyes would part but their thoughts would remain kissing until Mike would be out of breath if it physically happened.  Sometimes he would saw Harvey’s deep brown eyes flickered and Mike would feel like the kiss was deepened.  Mike would gasp and a soft moan would echo at the back of his throat.  Harvey would trap him by the nearest wall, or desk, or a lamp post if they were outside, devouring his mouth like no one had ever done before.  Mike would clutch Harvey’s suit jacket until it crinkled and Harvey would rant about it later but they would pay zero attention at that time.  Then Harvey would release him for oxygen as Mike would be dazed by the sight of his boss’ messy hair and swollen lips.  They would share this little peaceful moment together, breathing hard before go right at it again, and again, and again.

In reality, Mike would kiss Rachel -- or she kissed him, he wasn’t so sure -- but her kiss wasn’t embedded in his brain like Harvey’s.  Mike wondered whether his lips would taste the same as he thought or not.  He was curious if the kiss would last, if Harvey would bite his bottom lip seductively by the time he became a complete mess in Harvey’s arms, and purposefully pull back just to see his reaction -- teasing -- the same way Mike had experienced in his own mind.

In his mind, Harvey would kiss again the next morning, and Mike was more than willing to comply.

 

 

 

7.

_They bled without blood._

 

Harvey’s boundaries became a blur when it came to Mike.

He didn’t realize it until it was too late to go back.  Maybe he shouldn’t get carried away with those never-happened touches and kisses.  Having secret fantasies was one thing.  Reality was another, and seemed like it wouldn’t end well this time.  He crossed lines after lines he never dared to before knowing Mike without thinking twice.  These reckless stunts would definitely lead him straight into a problem -- a real one where his own head was on a block.

Harvey might don't like the sound of it but he did sacrifice himself for Mike to _stay._  One after another.  Over and over again.  Funny, because the previous Harvey Specter would never have understood the concept of philanthropy at all.  There was only give-and-take that existed in this world.  Pro bono was only an illusion of the firm’s CSR.  He believed that no one could ever risk their lives for another person wholeheartedly.  They were only animals.  They were born to _survive_ , not to die for others.

Then again, look at where he was now.

His heart began to take control, and his gut decided to follow it this time.

Harvey put on his best mask and lived on like nothing could affect him, but raging storms of fighting and yelling during the merger, shitload of emotional wounds from one relationship to another, and Mike’s infinite unreadable moves made things harder for Harvey.  His attempt to hide, repress, and lock away from every feeling he had to deal with at the time became utter useless.  He could do anything, _everything_ , to save Mike, but days after days his heart had been cut because he didn’t know how to save himself.  He shouldn’t feel it.  He could slice every inch of his skin off to protect his guy, but he should -- _must_ \-- not feel anything like this.

His heart shouldn’t be able to bleed anything but blood, yet there was only this feeling, this desperate _desire_ gushing out like waterfall, leaving him drowning in this bottomless pool of---

He didn’t dare to say it even in his thought.

Not right now.

 

 

 

8.

_They cried without tears._

 

Things had been going down non-stop since Edward Darby’s name landed on the wall.

Mike changed a lot through time and he was scared shitless about it.  He had always been scared, maybe since his parents’ car crashed, or maybe since his Grammy was gone -- forever -- and the fact that he had no one else by his side was like a punch in his gut.

Harvey was a good man and Mike trusted him without doubts.  The only person he didn't trust right now was himself.

Mike didn’t know how to make things right anymore.

It kept waking him up at night, showering his nerves with fear and left a giant hole in his chest.  Happiness was short-lived and Mike didn’t deserve it.  What rights did he have to earn such thing when he had done it all wrong?  He kept making wrong decisions over and over again until he didn’t know how to fix it.  He couldn’t fix anything.  He couldn’t fix himself.  Yet he had no other choices but to go on.  To keep running until his legs went numb.  Until his body couldn’t bare it anymore.  Until he was nothing but a dirt on the ground.

Until death came and greeted him.

Mike woke up in the middle of the night, panting hard.

Everything he touched broke down into pieces and haunted him in his sleep ever since.  So did everyone he met.  His whole life had always been a fight for somewhere to belong which he always denied to surrender, but it was harder everyday.  And here his nightmares would start all over again---  Trevor.  Jenny.  Harvey.  His Grammy.  That apartment.  Rachel.  Harvey.  The merger.  Sidwell.  Gillis.  Rachel.  Harvey.  Rachel.  Rachel again.  She was still sleeping soundly next to him but Mike couldn’t lay his eyes on her, didn’t dare to touch.  He didn’t even know if staying with her was a right thing to do.

It became a pattern; he fought, he tried, just to fall harder every time.  Rachel would shout at him again.  He would yell back.  She would wait patiently.  He would find a way to fix it eventually.  She would be happy and so would he.  They would be okay.

Wouldn’t they?

Mike swallowed down his answer.  How many times had they been like this?  Mike was dying to lose count but his eidetic memory wouldn’t let him.  He didn’t want to remember what he had done to make this relationship real.  He had always tried to build his own home after Grammy, so he chose Rachel, and accidentally crushed things along the way.  Things.  Many things.  Mike could still feel a warm trace of someone else’s hand on his own -- a touch that never happened.  He could still scent dry blood all over himself.  It was someone else’s blood.  Someone else’s ghost.  Someone else’s sacrifice.  Always someone else’s.

Someone else that was Harvey.

Mike wanted him to be here, to touch him, to kiss, to hold Mike and never let go, even though Mike could be nothing but a burden, an anchor, and didn’t deserve him at all.  Harvey’s life would have been better if they had never met.  Yet Mike was still yearning for Harvey’s touch in order to get a grip on himself, real or not, he didn’t care.  He just needed Harvey.

How selfish of him.

He could hear Rachel’s constant breath in the middle of silence.  Mike ruffled his hair while staring at the ceiling.  His cheeks were dry as well as his eyes.

Although He didn’t feel like it at all.

 

 

 

9.

_They begged without pleas._

 

If there was anything Harvey had learned from Mike, it was how to deal with pain, how to admit his defeat, and how to keep going on with open wounds.

Not like he was going to tell anyone about it.

His survival instinct and defense mechanism must be damned by now because all he could do was waiting for a gun to be fired, not protecting himself.  One hundred and forty six ways to ditch a bullet?  Bullshit.  He had put the gun in Mike’s hand since the moment their paths were crossed, along with his own heart.

He felt like losing.  Defeating.  Burned alive.  He lost his control of the situation after that.  Later on, he was forced to expose that one most vulnerable part of himself he never knew its existence.  Sometimes he kind of missed his old life; the easy one where he was still in charge.  That life had been announced dead for a time being, though.  Harvey hardly believed it at first.  He prolonged his denial stage for the longest time he could until everything exploded like a time bomb.  Donna once called him a dick for throwing tantrums after Mike went work for Sidwell and Harvey couldn’t agree more.  He even secretly prayed he could turn back time, though he must have repeated everything over again if he ever really could.

He just had to accept that his heart was not his.  Not anymore.

Harvey was not a master of emotions and never would be, but he wasn’t an idiot once he decided to go with the flow.  He had been hurt enough trying to chain the younger man up and lock him away.  He knew better than that.  Mike would always be running away from him.  Running.  Hiding.  Falling.  Unknowingly crushing whatever he had stolen along the way.  And Harvey knew better than falling to his knees and begging desperately for Mike to come back.

Hence he stood his ground, straightened his back, and let Mike go.

 

 

 

* * *

 

_And here they were, stuck in the middle of their bleeding hearts._

_Nowhere to run now._

 

* * *

 

 

 

10.

 

In the end, Mike did go back, but he didn’t go to Rachel this time.

He went to Harvey.

He didn’t know if it was a right thing or not, his sense of judgement had been broken for a long time ago.  He might choose the wrong path again, but he couldn’t ignore the look on Harvey’s face that longed for him to come back, demanding him to run right into his arms.

He just couldn’t.

Harvey had never given up on him.  He lied, he bribed, he threatened, he risked everything he had and fought the whole world for Mike.  It didn’t matter how many times Mike had let him down or disappointed him.  He stood tall and never budged an inch.  He had always been there.  It had always been Harvey who took a leap from the top of the firm building, reaching for him like no one could.  If God did exist, Harvey would definitely go against him just to keep Mike alive.  Harvey had done so much for him, too much.  Mike knew by his heart that he didn’t deserve this man at all.

But if Harvey wanted him to go back, he would.

Therefore they ended up in Harvey’s condo, drinking expensive scotch Harvey insisted together.  It was almost midnight by now and they sat peacefully at the counter.

Why Harvey wanted him back that much, he still had no idea.

“Harvey.”

The other man glanced up to meet him, arching his eyebrow in question.  Mike cursed himself for didn't prepare his question before jumped into a conversation.  He didn’t know how to ask it without embarrassing himself, so he just shook his head and turned away.  Nevertheless, Mike still sensed that Harvey was lowering his eyes, touching Mike’s jaws then his lips deliberately.  Mike put his glass on the counter while trying to even his heart rate.  When he finally gave in, Harvey’s eyes was flicking up to meet his perfectly.  There he saw something he had never seen for the longest time that left his breath halt on top of his lungs.

_Home._

Mike suddenly blurted, “Thank you.”

It made no sense at all and the word didn’t do justice for what actually happened between them -- for every feeling Mike was having right now -- but his brain wasn’t functioning at its full capacity thanked to the alcohol and his stupid heart.  They fell into silence as Harvey sipped his scotch and Mike thought he was probably having a slight panic attack.  He unconsciously started to beg, plead, cry, and shout everything he couldn’t put into words.  He didn’t know what to do.  He didn’t know what to say.  He was just---

Then Harvey slid his glass down and grabbed Mike into a kiss.

A real one.

 

His world suddenly stopped.

 

Mike couldn’t breathe.  The kiss was chaste, lasted only a few second before Harvey finally retreated, leaving Mike dazed for almost a damn whole minute before he could get a hold on himself, stuttering in disbelief, “Harvey, did--- did you just…?”

“I did.”

“But what…? I mean--- does that mean---?”

“It does.”

Mike blinked incredulously at the older man.  Harvey stared back, sending shivers down Mike’s spines as his eyes darkened with something Mike didn’t dare to name it right now.  Mike licked the inner side of his bottom lip nervously, trying to calm himself down although shaking confusion out of his system seemed to be a bit hopeless.

“So… so you’re saying that you---?”

Harvey didn’t miss a beat, “I am.”

“But you… me… you don’t---” Mike stumbled more on his choices of words, still a little too shock. “Everything you did, it was because---”

“Yes.”

“So you---”

“I did.”

“Do you still---?”

“I do.”

Mike’s heart was pounding so fast he thought he was going to die, or maybe he was.

“For how long?”

“Too long.”

“No, I mean since when?  Sidwell?”

A pause. “Chilton.”

“What?  You can’t be---” Mike gaped, couldn’t finish his sentence but the older man slightly nodded in affirmation.  Mike didn’t know he was holding his breath until he was choking out, “So--- so it’s alright for me to---?”

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

Harvey let out a soft chuckle, “Yes.”

Mike almost growled at the permission.  He didn’t know who made the first move since it was a bit of a blur, but another second passed and they were kissing each other as hard as they could.  There was no time to concern about finesse because finally, _finally_ , this was actually happening to them both.

It was maddening.  Electrifying.  Intoxicating.  They lost track of time and drowned into the heady kiss, all teeth and tongue and whatever they tried to hold back for far too long.

They had done this before when they touched each other with only their gazes.  Right then, they even had been bold enough to go a bit far beyond kisses.  Harvey would tease him, give him a plenty of torturous feather-like kisses as he worshiped every inch of the younger man’s body.  Mike would squirm uncontrollably, pleading for his mercy.  Desire would fill the air around them.  Mike would writhe in pleasure he couldn’t think coherent and Harvey would groaned lowly at the sight.  He would dig his nails into Harvey’s back and beg for him not to let go.  He would sob out Harvey’s name and forget the world.

And it took only one kiss, one _real_ kiss, to make him fall apart like he had been in his own mind.

“You’re going to be the death of me,” Harvey whispered breathlessly as they parted for air.  Mike shuddered, still panting, eyes closed shut.

“Am I dead?”

“Close enough.”

Mike inhaled sharply, “Can we--- Are we going to…?”

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

 

“Definitely yes.”

 

For the first time in his life, he surrendered.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

_They stopped running.  
_

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is non-beta and English is not my first language, so sorry for any error you might see. Kudos and comments are always welcome and thanks for reading! :D


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